Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Rise Up

My hands shake my mind is strong, but it's about to break
So much like a mirror, a reflection of the struggle that I endure
A reflection
So here I am
My hands shake my heart is strong, but it's about to break
So much like a mirror, a reflection of the struggle that I endure
A reflection
So here I am, a brand new me or a recreation of the man I used to be
Do I drop tears and do the oceans rise? I'm alive to peer and surrender to the wise.
So here I am

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Ain't Mad At You

So I know it's depressin, but these thoughts on my mind are pressin, heavy like a half ton brick
Mom, it was never your fault, don't even begin to think, that anything you did brought me to the brink, now my life is like a lit cigarette, up in smoke, loved it and now it's gone, when did I lose it, about 16 years old I lost it, through it into a chest and smashed it, a chest with a lock can't reopen, can't change the past, can't take back my last, life moves too fast, step back should be a blast, but the only blast I hear is, no I won't say it, it won't happen, I'll keep on mappin the next hole I'll step in, I won't end it like cowards, who knows maybe there's a reason I draw conclusions backwards, upside down, these pills won't stay down

I ain't mad at you

Have I changed to you, I think I have, I snap at a whim, I keep my head down and can no longer swim, this isn't me, I'd tell you, I wish I could, but the words I say don't come out like they should, but hey give me a minute I need to step outside, need a second to step aside, clear my head, get fresh air, get up off this bed

I ain't mad at you
I ain't mad at you
Too many years I thought about you, but didn't move, but didn't move
Too many years, but I could not get through, through to you, but I ain't mad at you

Dad it wasn't you neither, whether you know it or not, I love you, that ain't a lie, I really do, life was never a promise, but this I can, my heart is there, locked away or up in the air, a place is there, so pull up a chair and understand I care

I ain't mad at you

If anyone will ever see the real me, maybe not in person, maybe through these words it'll give reason, but if I leave earth, space has no place for a man with no face to place his head on, but the world feeds on what goes on, so get up and move on!

I ain't mad at you
I ain't mad at you
Too many years I thought about you, but didn't move, but didn't move
Too many years, but I could not get through, through to you, but I ain't mad at you

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Chances

I thought about it again, should I care how much I win with it
Never once did it help me get me through it
But I try and try again, who ever thought I'd be alive to rewrite with such pain within these prison walls that I live in
Was it my fault, I guess it was, but it wasn't, so step off your pedestal
I could do much more for this world with this pad 'n pencil, then you could ever do with a pistol
Now listen, I care for you but you won't hear me through, I try to break you, but the words
that I say don't faze you
But I look to God for an answer, but underground it's muffled, to the day that I die I'll be baffled
To the people that care, I'll be there, whether or not I'll play it fair
Count the hairs on my head times blood shed hearts broken that I tried to prepare to repair
Now I need a moment to stare, the stars are showing my despair, bright ain't it
For everyone to see, I'm fading from this disease, I need a moment to pray

I just need, yeah a moment to myself
Gaze up to the heavens, yeah and show my strength
Stars count in billions, oh the chances that I have to gain in worth
I just need, yeah a moment to myself
Chances... I need chances, I got 'em
I need chances, yeah, I got 'em

So if you didn't listen, I'll repeat it again
You can't mark me, you're a sinner, I'm a sinner we'll do it again
But hey, why do we repeat what brought us here
I don't know, but it's easier to run than face our fear
Fear of losing you over my spinning head, I just can't get ahead
Back and forth I whirl to and fro all over the world
So as I get this on paper, I hope you understand
I ain't trying to hurt ya, it's just the way I am
Operate so upset, yeah in days I haven't ate, I'll separate, myself from you
I don't understand why, but that's what I do, just can't get through to you
I love you

I just need, yeah a moment to myself
Gaze up to the heavens, yeah and show my strength
Stars count in billions, oh the chances that I have to gain in worth
I just need, yeah a moment to myself
Chances... I need chances, I got 'em
I need chances, yeah, I got 'em

Are your ears open now, open up I've fallen and I'm down
Here I am the man who claims to wear the crown, all the answers, what a clown
I understand that now, please forgive me, my emotions keep me bound
Maybe I'll stay underground, yeah that'll make 'em proud
No, I can't now, give up and I'll never know how pure your love, white as snow
I love you I hope you know, I pick myself up now

I just need, yeah a moment to myself
Gaze up to the heavens, yeah and show my strength
Stars count in billions, oh the chances that I have to gain in worth
I just need, yeah a moment to myself
Chances... I need chances, I got 'em
I need chances, yeah, I got 'em
I got 'em now